Do I Really Hate You?

Was thinking from last 2 days, do i really hate you? talashti rahi dil ke andar, tumhi to ho wahan. nahi, wo tum nahi ho...wo to koi aur hai. koi aisa jo sach men mere dil ke bahot qareeb hai. koi aisa jise main sach men kabhi khud se door nahi kar sakti. sochti hoon tum bin zindagi kya hogi......veeran, ujdi hui.....nahi, takleef men hoon lekin aisa to nahi hai ki zindagi hi rooth gayi ho. dil men koi umang to nahi hai lekin phir bhi jeene ka hausla to hai.....aur yehi hona bhi chahiye. na jaane kitne log toota hua dil leke jeete hain, ham ya tum unse alag to nahi hain.
tum khoye raho rangeeniyon men
ham jeene ka hunar seekhte hain
itna sab kuchh ho gaya phir bhi main khud se ye nahi kah pa rahi hoon ki i really hate you. main sochti hoon ki kahan kaun si galti ho gayi mujhse, kaise mujhe tumko pahchanne men bhool ho gayi. tum kya ho, ye kahna main zaroori nahi samajhti kyonki tum jaante ho tum kya ho.........main kuchh nahi kahoongi kyonki main kahoongi to rooth jaoge......waise bhi abhi bhi unhi madhoshiyon men khoye hue ho jab chot lagegi tab yaad kar lena ki kabhi kisi mukhlis insaan ne roka tha, samjhaya tha..........shayad tumhen kabhi yaad na aaye lekin main tumko kabhi nahi bhool paungi.